Semalam, bukan aku tidak ada apa untuk dibicara - banyak, terlalu banyak sehinggakan tidurku tak lena, terkebil-kebil mata memandang siling di saat A sedang nyenyak tidur. Banyak yang mengganggu fikiran aku terutamanya Ahad malam. I was so upset and pissed of that I couldn't make myself go to work or could I even force myself out of bed the whole of yesterday. The whole night as a matter of factly dalam kepala ni berlegar-legar bermacam-macam perkataan like I was trying hard to compose a winning essay  to the one and only yang selalu makes me upset my whole life - my dear daddy.Like I've mentioned in my previous post about 'something' that my dad is forcing me to do, of all days he chose to come to my house on Sunday evening. I was alone as A was at the weekend conference he was attending. Dah la datang so sudden, rumah tengah berkecah, tak pasal-pasal my brother kene marah sebab tak warn me earlier to at least get the house cleaned before they arrive - ni dah depan pintu baru nak beritahu. And as I expected, nampak je muka aku, my dad started speaking about the 'thing'. I will always try my best to become the obedient child - aku tak mau jadik derhaka, tak mau kurang ajar but I do have my limits. When pushed, sapa-sapa pun lah akan melenting - so I tried telling him nicely if he can stop talking about the 'thing' for once - I am tired of it and I am not just doing nothing to solve my problems. I even said 'please' jangan la nampak muka saya saja you have to mention it. I asked him to give me time and I told him the more you push me, the more I will delay things. Terus dia bangun and asked my brother to take him home. I was left with my mouth gaping wide wondering what I've done - I know somehow dia kecik ati but things are done - terlajak kereta boleh undur, terlajak kata?I immediately sent a text message to his phone apologizing, telling him bukan niat aku nak menderhaka atau nak mengetepikan dia dalam apa jua hal yang aku buat but I have my reasons for doing things the way I am doing them. I am not comfortable him trying to be the nice dad sedangkan he was the one who made our lives miserable - he was the one who made my mom cried most of the time - tak selesalah suddenly you're trying to be nice to us - sebab rasa bersalah my mom got sick and died because he made her so miserable ke?Tapi aku tetap sorang anak. Aku rasa bersalah yang amat. he replied my text message asking me to forget the thing that happened petang tu but he was still talking about me getting that 'thing' done - dia tak faham dan tak akan faham sampai bila-bila. I have told him my wishes, if they were to be my last and I just hope they will get respected. So semalam I decided to stay home (pi opes pun bukan buat kerja, like now, me updating this blog) sleep it offand go on with my life...

Whatever it is I have never, ever stopped loving you dad.