tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29877728519758757852024-03-13T23:14:56.751+08:00m.i.l.o.v.e.d.r.u.l.o.v.e.dJust a dose of my heart...amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-70481934573973816932008-11-12T23:20:00.002+08:002008-11-25T17:54:47.349+08:00November 12, 2008, 11:00pmI am back after 3 days being hospitalised. Seperti yang aku jangka, memang I had to be put on a machine - depending on it to clean my blood. My kidney has reached end stage and I need the help of a machine, 3 times a week for 4 hours each time. What have I done to my life? This is indeed a big change to us both - financial wise, time and whatever that we may think of after this. My physicals have changed. I now have a catether attached to my neck. A rather ugly looking plastic tubes used as bridge between the artificial kidneys and me. And this will be here until I do the vascular surgery on my arm and until it heals 6 weeks later. Aduhhh dah la hodoh nak kene buat vascular surgery tu will need money. Mana aku nak cekau ni?<div>Aku masuk 3rd class ward je pun. No fancy private hospital sebab I cannot afford it. Memang gaji aku banyak dan company ada cover some medical tapi I have used the facility and gaji tu bak orang kata, besar peruk besar la keraknya. Takde la aku banyak hutang ke apa but my medicine costs every month, kasi orang tua, car maintenance (tu nasib baik bawak keta comey je tu), maintenance rumah dan macam-macam lagi la. Nak beli insurance tak layak sebab they don't and won't cover me sebab I am a juvvey diabetic, so automatically diabetes and those related to it memang la tak di cover. And no point paying a bomb for it kalau what I really need it for tu is not catered for. Takpe la, 3rd class hospital tu ok lagi... baru lagi serba serbi cuma nurses dia je la ada blur sket huhuhu.</div><div>Aku kene marah ngan doctor sebab defaluted my nephro appointment in July. Masa tu I was going for umrah and the nephrologist said kalau my creatanine level takde improvement, I won't be able to go - and I really wanted to go sebab aku tau kalau aku tak pi masa tu, ntah aku akan dapat pergi tak haji 2013 - kalau ikut that will be my turn. Biasa la... oramg banyak penyakit kan.</div><div>Moreover company aku skang ni baru dapat HR manager baru, so sibuk la dia mengimpliment new things yang menyebabkan aku tak berapa berani dan tak berapa bebas keluar waktu kerja untuk attend doctors appointment. My leave pun dah banyak exchausted - MC pun. MC exhausted sebab I went for laser treatment kat mata ada blood vassel pecah (also due to kidney failure ni la) and everytime treatment I had to go straight home and sleep. Silau beb, macamana nak kerja sedangkan kerja aku menatap PC 8 jam sehari.</div><div>Ok la nasib baik masuk spital 3 hari je. Tu pun aku dah rimas, tak leh tido sebab lampu terang - whoever la yang boleh tido kat spital tu aku respect la. Last year masa aku kene stroke pun aku masuk the same ward, the bed opposite mine this time. Walaupun nurses hospital ni blur tapi they are very friendly and boleh la dikatakan efficient juga. Cuma they can be noisy at times.</div><div>I'll be doind dialysis at this hospital for the next 2 weeks. Next Monday kene pi HKL nephrology clinic plak to meet the specialist. Kat Hospital skang ni takde Nephro specialist so they referred my case to HKL la. OOooooo lala... I hate HKL, spooky and old!</div><div>OK, dah kene buat hemodialysis ni... ada beza ke? Takdenye! Dari tengahari tadi aku dah start muntah balik. Stop muntah for a day saja. Malam tadi aku hypo and today muntah-muntah balik, kene sorong la katil masa cuci darah tadi dan aku plak mengusung muntah tu dari dialysis center tu to my place kat wad. Kesian la kat A 2 -3 hari ni penat dia dan tadi mas discharge kan aku, mata dia merah sebab he hasn't been sleeping well lately - banyak kerja from office katanya. Aku plak suka kacau dia malam-malam ni bila dah takleh tido... hmmmm kesian kan? Tapi kalau tak kerana A aku mungkin tak tak tabah hadapi semua ni. Untuk pengetahuan sesapa je la yang membaca. My dad, my adik beradik - nobody from home came these past 3 days to visit me - betul la aku kata, apa pun I will end up alone jugak!</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnBtSHGCA97_iSKk4T7O2pHGT0uh1dQYCGpIYxuQ1Nz3cagJc-FD38f2iFmzlZVb8izZ-w-lnu1NWVclT5mf_owKHBQ492aMMmVuA2uK_GNVsFmxMs1naBaoa9ISD3voIkOSoJCoHgNzo/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272528413180631538" /><div><br /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-89828369738528029832008-11-09T20:05:00.000+08:002008-11-25T17:24:21.118+08:00November 9, 2008 - 8:00pmI suddenly realised tonight that the only reason why God has let me lived this long and added a year to my age sebab Dia nak aku melalui apa yang telah ditulis untukku. Dengan itu aku perlu redha dan sentiasa bersedia menempuhi apa saja yang He planned for me.<div>Memang sepatutnya aku tak perlu takut. Aku ada A dan aku ada A. Aku hanya ada A sedangkan aku sendiri tahu benar perangai keluarga ku yang hanya pandai berkata-kata tapi when the time comes to doing it, harammmmm.... but I have A and I shouldn't be afraid.</div><div>After 2 weeks of torture vomitting non stop, losing weight and not having appetite at all, apatah lagi nak bekerja. dah seminggu lebih pun aku asik MC. Tonight I made up my mind, after contemplating with the idea whether to go to the hospital or to just let it be. The phone call I made to the clinic petang tadi mengatakan yang memang my creatanine level dah naik to 1300+ and my urea level is extremely high. The doctor yang mungkin aku lebih pandai daripadanya kerana I was the one who suggested for the blood test, dan dia asik bagi aku ubat gastric, suggested I go to the hospital immediately. I have delayed this moment for over 2 months now. Putting aside the idea of depending on a machine for life sampai bergaduh ngan bapa sendiri but perhaps this is the time that he fulfils his promises. Proving to me</div><div> that he is really a good father yang selama ini aku sangkal sebab kerananya ibuku merana, kerananya juga kami adik beradik derita. And it's from his blood that i got penyakit keturunan ni. Believe me, every single person in his family has diabetes and I got it when I was 16.</div><div>So I told A in between vomits to take me to the hospital. Memang A dah offer dari tadi but I told him I didn't want to go. Bergegas la A amikkan my toiletries. my baju and put them in a bag. I know what's waiting for me at the hospital karang and I definitely know it's going to be one long stay....</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRqvuOzzxmW8tMEsWGpoMiHZp1rlxA96tObNbu50XUlXvTwy1QJSgUP-4CyNXHjQ-ERBLUeBKYWPISqEqD9LeLny1yf2odgnzuPEBXLAYdoIEeu-igjRZ-u2KyzekRVr1eq9I3OmoeflQ/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272523023403479618" />amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-12276546709005604332008-11-08T17:10:00.000+08:002008-11-25T14:24:03.026+08:00November 8, 2008 - 5:00pmSepuluh minit lagi tepat la umurku 33 tahun. Aku dilahirkan jam 5:10 minit petang di Hospital Bersalin Kuala Lumpur. Hari ini merupakan hari yang amat sedih bagiku. satu kerana aku rindu pada arwah ibuku yang harijadinya semalam. Dua aku sedih kerana tuhan panjangkan umurku, bermakna aku terpaksa mengharungi liku-liku hidup berpenyakit ini. Entah sampai bila penyiksaan ini terpaksa aku harungi. Namun aku amat bertuah kerana punyai seorang yang amat menyayangiku. Aku juga punya kawan-kawan yang baik, walau lebih baik jika keadaan aku berbeza seperti dulu-dulu semasa aku masih sihat.Aku baru saja menerima kunjungan rakan-rakan baikku, S, M dan R. W dan Z menelefon dari tempat mereka dan inilah pertama kali sejak zaman U dulu hari jadiku dihadiri oleh semua insan-insan yang kusayangi selama ni. Tapi alangkah sedihnya ibuku tiada dan ayahku pula tidak mengucapkan selamat hari jadi kepadaku. Tak mengapalah jika ini nasib ku.<div>Malam ini A akan kembali ke rumah ibunya. Aku sedih lagi kerana aku tetap akan ditinggalkan walau ini hari jadi ku. Keseorangan la nampaknya aku lagi. Aku amat berharap yang A tak akan pergi malam ini. Temani aku di hari jadi ku yang tidak ku sangka akan kulalui lagi tahun ini. Aku benar-benar menyangka yang umurku tidak akan sempat mencecah 33 tahun.</div><div>Ya, aku masih muntah-muntah. Sebenarnya S, M dan R mengajak aku dan A lunch bersama untuk meraikanku tapi kerana aku sakit maka mereka datang menjenguk dirumah bersama kuntuman bunga ros dan fruit basket dan bermacam hadiah lagi. Seronok aku rasa bila mereka datang bertandang kerumah. Lebih-lebih lagi dengan kehadiran M yang datang dari tempat yang amat jauh.</div><div>I really wish A would not leave me tonight. Kecik hati pun ada...</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsgYQjU3SUx54GUJUUTcFVlknIBET_PeNTVBf28pnideJnQv659AoEvzlaWEQjIJ_SL62pZ8gjvQmD8mFh55coOa7Whp6i40Om7qlb9kTOMoEpmARtB61OVHM_bV6PpxCQ4j1mt1whL6E/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272476461468371234" /><div><br /><br /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-16126626044330891302008-11-08T00:55:00.000+08:002008-11-22T00:27:23.620+08:00November 8, 2008 - 12:45amRupa-rupanya tuhan panjangkan umurku. Tanggapan aku yang aku tak akan melangkau hari jadiku kali ni salah. Ternyata arwah ibuku dan kembar ayahku yang meninggal sebulan sebelum hari jadi mereka tidak serupa bagiku kali ini. Ternyata derita aku kesakitan akan aku tanggung untuk masa yang lebih panjang lagi.<br />Malam tadi A dan aku menonton filem seram Susuk yang katanya box office dan berjaya mengutip jutaan ringgit, Filem tahun 2006 ini akhirnya kepanggung pada tahun ini tapi kami tidak berkesempatan menontonnya dipanggung atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Maka kami telah membeli DVDnya. Aku tertidur di saat-saat akhir filem ini - faham-faham sahajalah kalau dah tertidur semasa menonton filem seram - maka tak seramlah cerita itu dan memang membosankan.<br />Tepat jam 12 malam seperti biasa tahun-tahun lalu A akan memberi kejutan padaku. Tapi tidak kusangka aku akan terbangun jam 12 malam dan dikejutkan dengan sebuah kek yang simple tapi cantik (biasala lelaki yang pilih kan) dan juga beberapa hadiah yang ternyata memang aku sukai. Aku sayang pada A kerana dia sentiasa faham akan apa yang aku mahu. Malangnya selepas memakan beberapa sudu kek pemberian A, aku muntah. Maka tidaklah kusentuh lagi kek tersebut.<br />Kami tidur dalam pelukan dan rasa penuh kasih sayang. Aku sebenarnya sedih, rasa terkilan pun ada kerana tuhan masih mahu aku teruskan perjuangan aku. Sesungguhnya aku telah berputus asa dan mengharapkan pengkahiran buat diriku. Memang terseksa bila berpenyakit sejak kecil, makan ubat tak putus-putus dan setiap kali berjumpa doktor maka ubat akan bertambah dan penyakit baru akan timbul.<br />Namun aku sedar, kematian bukan lah boleh diminta. Jika tuhan mahu aku terus hidup maka aku terpaksa laluinya dengan tabah. Nasib ku amat baik kerana aku punya A. Tapi aku tertanya-tanya, bilakah derita ku ini akan berakhir?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAfxHRzkcXm33Njq8T2eOWrRZuz-Ok3BjtZsDakr5WKOKYXuQcPRN6JyinlQGFW721sIuGBbj_cZvzjePJZN8NgUgIa9in0-l1Sz9JU5Io9vUvFIn0vLr5rDxHDBc_4ae0K3urCwclg94/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAfxHRzkcXm33Njq8T2eOWrRZuz-Ok3BjtZsDakr5WKOKYXuQcPRN6JyinlQGFW721sIuGBbj_cZvzjePJZN8NgUgIa9in0-l1Sz9JU5Io9vUvFIn0vLr5rDxHDBc_4ae0K3urCwclg94/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5271148047330836914" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-53932658416370515752008-11-07T20:05:00.001+08:002008-11-22T00:13:48.396+08:00November 7, 2008 - 8:00pmToday is my mom's late birthday. Tiba je tanggal 7hb November ni aku pasti akan sedih, moody dan jadi hypersensitive. Mana tak, esok plak birthday aku dan selalunya kami akan sama-sama celebrate our birthdays, share our cakes, exchange gifts. Kini dah 4 tahun berlalu dan semua tu hanya tinggal kenangan. Paling akhir aku dapat terima hadiah dari ibu was 4 years ago - the year she died. She passed away lebih kurang a month before her birthday tapi memang dah jadi lumrah ibuku dia akan beli hadiah hari jadi sesiapun lebih awal. Just imagine when my birthday came in 2004, my brother gave me the presents sedangkan hari sebelumnya aku menangis tak henti-henti sebab kesedihan. Aku menangis lagi keesokan harinya bila dapay hadiah dari ibu yang telah tiada. Sehelai t-shirt, pen dan organizer yang semuanya aku tak pernah gunakan sehinggalah ke hari ini. Takut rosak - itulah pemberian terakhir seorang ibu sebelum kembalinya kerahmatullah. Apa yang dapat aku lakukan hari ini adalah berdoa untuknya dan juga untukku yang sedang kesakitan ini. Pada Ramadhan yang lepas aku kerap kali bermumpi tentang arwah. Aku dapat rasakan yang seperti arwah memanggil dan mengajakku kepadanya. Memang pada masa itu aku sedang sakit teruk dan selepas Hari Raya tempoh hari aku kembali sihat selama 2 lebih sehinggalah aku jatuh sakit semula sekarang. Mungkinkah aku akan menemuinya dan mungkinkah aku tidak akan sempat menyambut hari lahirku sepertinya?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWpH4pxH7qTVyb-APiexKrB4izBfoADrR8z64rXEuaMhlPqV3Y-LvDPflPtsEgl_x01RKHSZgvBA3tsegXtitby3klIbReCkFjTg5nmy5koEpPKNbDSJmUvZlJOYUzTLOTjE2eXmjJ0wg/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWpH4pxH7qTVyb-APiexKrB4izBfoADrR8z64rXEuaMhlPqV3Y-LvDPflPtsEgl_x01RKHSZgvBA3tsegXtitby3klIbReCkFjTg5nmy5koEpPKNbDSJmUvZlJOYUzTLOTjE2eXmjJ0wg/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5271144694413205842" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-81991147544613921622008-11-06T18:14:00.000+08:002008-11-16T00:26:08.177+08:00November 6, 2008 - 6:00pmOK. Their boss setuju atanya and I just have to wait for them to issue the letter. Syukur la tapi selagi aku tak dapat surat black and white dari dorang selagi tu akuy takkan tender from this current company nor will I celebrate the new offer. I have learnt my lesson kat previous 2 companies dulu.<br />Aku rasa muntah-muntah aku makin teruk. Siap letak plastic bag kat meja ni dan muntah kat sini gak. Dah tak larat nak jalan pi toilet muntah. Balik kang nak pi klinik lagi nak mintak Doctor check darah la. Buat test on my creatanine and urea level. Kekadang tu you've got to be smarter than the doctor. Ya la yang tau your medical history is yourself dan bukannya doctor tu.<br />A asik offer nak bawak aku pi hospital tapi aku tak sedia lagi nak enyerah diri. Pasal tu jugak l akuy gaduh ngan papa yang sibuk suruh aku pi hospital, Memang aku ada renal failure tapi seeing what was done to my late mother masa dia bypass scares me - every time aku masuk hospital ada aja penyakit baru yang diorang discover. More pills, more frequent visits to the doctor tapi baiknye tak jugak. What I hate most is waiting masa kat hospital tu. Waiting for my turn to see the doctor, nak amik darah pun kene tunggu, nak amik ubat lagi. And with the current HR tengah mengganas kat company ni I think I'll have to forget about hospitl for the time being. As a matter of factly I missed my eye appointment on the 4th hari tu.<br />Bulan ni je dah banyak kali aku MC dan datang lambat. Habis la gaji kene potong agaknya - I think my MC dan annual leave pun dah abis - exhausted. Thank God A has been helpful these past two weeks. Rumah memang aku tak sentuh langsung so A je la yang uruskan everything. Tapi biasa la kan kalau lelaki yang uruskan rumahtangga... Ahh my birthday in 2 days time - sempat ke tidak agaknya...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs4RIe6AoydMPtje2h_IWZWUL1rJoeqHBvdcJNQc7cs77lY_vj4TBjqFnVWSkNFiALNqGLgCaXvXUTPYcGU5ZdHUJoKD-S_lemLmXseALjfWvEvMfJDz_s1vGCrYvGtkaUBOH1jgX5dMY/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs4RIe6AoydMPtje2h_IWZWUL1rJoeqHBvdcJNQc7cs77lY_vj4TBjqFnVWSkNFiALNqGLgCaXvXUTPYcGU5ZdHUJoKD-S_lemLmXseALjfWvEvMfJDz_s1vGCrYvGtkaUBOH1jgX5dMY/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5268920996399801298" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-41975349496887095252008-11-06T15:15:00.001+08:002008-11-16T00:13:29.655+08:00November 6, 2008 - 3:15pmHari ni dalam sakit-sakit pun aku pi jugak interview kat tempat A. Memang interview paling sempoi la pernah aku attend. Basically dorang dah nak amik aku keje just formality sake, discuss pasal gaji and then nak jumpa in person. Tengah tunggu dorang decide on the gaji I was asking for. Katanya tak jadi masalah sebab I would be an asset to the company tapi kene dapat green light from the big bos jugak. Level orang yang interview aku tu dah kira ok la. Dia akan call to confirm petang nanti. Ada rezeki aku ada la kerja baru dengan gaji baru tapi yang paling best dapat keje balik ngan A. Senang la kitorang pergi kerja satu tempat. Tapi biasa la kalau dah namanya tempat baru, new expectations to fulfil and new people to impress. Tapi aku kan dah biasa kerja keras and prove my worth. Everything will be fine. Cuma I hope my health wont get in between the way la. Kalau 4 tahun dulu masuk tempat kerja sekarang aku sihat lagi dan kuat nak bekerja separuh nyawa tapi sekarang ni macam la susah sikit.<br />Ya, aku ni sakit dan penyakit aku ni makin lama makin parah dan tak mungkin makin baik. Kalau cancer contohnya mungkin boleh ubat tapi penyakit yang aku dah bawa dari kecil ni seumur hidup dan tak mungkin ada ubatnya. Memang tak ada ubat pun. Apa pun aku harap kalau la rezeki aku ada kat tempat baru ni aku akan dapat bekerja dengan efisyen dan buktikan kebolehan aku. Hmmm tak lama lagi hari jadi aku, mungkinkah ini hadiah harijadi paling istimewa?<br />Aduh... penatnya aku asik muntah je ni. Cirit birit pun tak abis lagik. Muntah pun dah rasa acidic sangat. Pedih rasa kulit-kulit muka ni macam nak terkoyak. Badan plak gatal-gatal macam ada penyakit kulit pulak rasanya. Entah sempat-entah tidak aku sambut hari jadi tahun ni?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtq4fm3qwvcBgfFj26D1Mm1Ty9iGnNOKmQ5qmFeBqllli70efA7H-ymZ_1KU3b-Cd57Wf2wFKHKwWmFKJH7Rda-dCMduJiLGwXYJWT5GHDo_lSJgZUCpC6Yx7jDd327DhpM3NwhqeUrzo/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtq4fm3qwvcBgfFj26D1Mm1Ty9iGnNOKmQ5qmFeBqllli70efA7H-ymZ_1KU3b-Cd57Wf2wFKHKwWmFKJH7Rda-dCMduJiLGwXYJWT5GHDo_lSJgZUCpC6Yx7jDd327DhpM3NwhqeUrzo/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5268917889967849346" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-7487231904371351962008-10-28T10:03:00.000+08:002008-11-15T23:46:55.309+08:00October 28, 2008 - 10:00amHmmm aku dah jangka yang hari ni aku terpaksa amik MC. Tak larat sangat rasanya. Badan aku seram sejuk, sakit-sakit. Agaknya aku penat sangat memasak dan mengemas kot. A pi keje sendiri pagi ni dan aku terbaring atas katil. Pastu perut ni asik meragam je. Pi toilet dah beratus kali buang-buang air. Agaknya the second time aku masak sambal semalam tak tumis betul kot. Nanti kalau Sapit ke Along ke kata dorang pun cirit birit maksudnya betul la masakan aku tu ada masalah... huhuhu sorry ler... aku nak pitam ni!amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-9541013430781931922008-10-27T20:09:00.000+08:002008-11-15T23:51:17.561+08:00October 27, 2008 - 8:00pmYa Tuhan penatnya aku rasa hari ni. Padan dengan muka sendiri sebab sendiri yang carik pasal. Gatal sangat mengajak kaum keluarga aku makan kat umah dan gatal sangat nak masak nasik lemak buat pertama kalinya dalam hidup aku. Boleh la tahan nasik lemak aku. Sedap la jugak walau terlembik sket. Bukan apa ka'ngah bagi salah resipi. Tapi nasib baik ikut cakap dia kalau ikut resipi internet ke, buku ke lagi haru macam kes aku buat pau sambal hari tu. Bila tiba time masak je tak jadi terus kene buang semua. Semalam aku cuba buat lagi dengan resipi ka'ngah pau sambal tu - jadik! Dan akan aku hidangkan pada keluarga aku masa Deepavali ni.. ahahah kira macam open house la tapi untuk keluarga je. Tu pun keluarga terdekat. Family A aku ajak gak tapi dorang tak dapat datang last minute. Nasib baik tak masak lebih.<br />Kira bangga jugak la aku masak nasik 2 kali 6 pot kot habis semuanya walaupun terlembik. Nasib baik rice cooker aku terer boleh kasi lebih kering nasik tu tak la teruk sangat. Yang pastinya malam ni aku macam rasa nak demam. Aku sendiri tak la makan banyak sangat. Betul la orang kata kalau dah sendiri masak tu memang takde selera nak makan. Aku pun dah sakit-sakit badan. 2 - 3 hari ni aku kuat semacam je prepare for the makan-makan. Siap stay up sampai 2 - 3 pagi masak dan potong-potong bagai. Bangga la sebab semuanya aku buat sendiri. A tak tolong pun part-part masak ni. Dia takut tak jadik kot. Tapi kemas rumah pun aku kene buat jugak.. hmmm tak pe la, aku yang ngengada nak ajak orang makan. Kalau masak makan berdua je kan senang. Tapi A jugak punya mulut la soh ajak family katanya aku kalau masak tak terti sikit. Nanti banyak terlebih. Ha... siap tak cukup sebab along dan sapit bungkus bawak balik buat makan malam sekali hehehe... kira okay la tu... bangga la... nanti-nanti aku masak lagi kalau rajin dan kali ni dengan resipi yang betul la... Skang ni aku nak pengsan dulu... tata titit tutu!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgnlVjJI2RN3eV11Rgst3xU7svccLGuL2P3bybJGgHwus9EXSh6FwalEzusrsriwuUQLimfFf6nfpID4xazg0pqi_cCT6oydWaLOjSBSs-Mr38tnvRV1oOtbfd_mbO3YV6ggDzhkq5g-c/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgnlVjJI2RN3eV11Rgst3xU7svccLGuL2P3bybJGgHwus9EXSh6FwalEzusrsriwuUQLimfFf6nfpID4xazg0pqi_cCT6oydWaLOjSBSs-Mr38tnvRV1oOtbfd_mbO3YV6ggDzhkq5g-c/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5268910168773747346" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-67305699834088931092008-10-25T20:15:00.005+08:002008-10-25T20:34:37.372+08:00October 25, 2008 - 8:00pmThere was a change of plan malam tadi - tak jadi plak tengok Sumpahan Pocong tu - that'll reserved for next week - providing that they are still showing the movie lah kan... next Friday sempena Halloween - kat Malaysia ni tak celebrate so celebrate la sendiri hehehe.<br />So we ended up watching a not so bad movie called 'House Bunny' - kelakar a jugak for suka-suka untuk tengok awek-awek cun ala-ala model Playboy boleh la. Hehehe ye, sapa lagi kalau bukan A nak tengok. My choice in movies memang akan citer hantu but A la suka comedy - boleh la layan once in a while. Quite funny though cerita dia.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPzdNSp6osy9C7zWVdZfD3kBEVdw3C9drUQ5O842DXsQEE3ZhZ5il73ZBrsRzVTQAceaNSc6GWu9eCmigFgFnKL8LeDD1hp28rluuYJbY4M0kAvGjgdvoDKa35AevuZ7G4qeOKw8083SU/s1600-h/2008_the_house_bunny_wallpaper_003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 436px; height: 348px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPzdNSp6osy9C7zWVdZfD3kBEVdw3C9drUQ5O842DXsQEE3ZhZ5il73ZBrsRzVTQAceaNSc6GWu9eCmigFgFnKL8LeDD1hp28rluuYJbY4M0kAvGjgdvoDKa35AevuZ7G4qeOKw8083SU/s400/2008_the_house_bunny_wallpaper_003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261068558830621730" border="0" /></a><br />Dinner pun tak jadi kat Chili's sebab ramai sangat orang biasa la KL bila lepas hujan petang-petang tu kan maka lambat la A sampai my office to pick me up - so ada tinggal masa to gobble apa yang sempat je la. So we decided to go to Signatures Level 2 Food Court dan makan kat one of our favourite stalls kat situ - the Western Food stall, so makan la mixed grill.<br />Then malam tadi aku macam hangin sket ngan A, bukan angin la, macam rasa nak merajuk la, sebab dia insist on going back to his om's house malam semalam jugak - memang la weekend dia selalu balik but last night masa kami sampai dah midnight, he still wanted to go home, katanya his mother nak pinjam my car nak pi beraya pepagi...adeh, apa nak buat terima je la. Bukan apa, walau dah 7 tahun kami sama, every time A nak pi memana dan tinggalkan aku sorang-sorang aku akan still terasa nak nangis. I am just so bad at saying goodbyes walaupun kejap je. Bukan tak biasa pun kene tinggal-tinggal ni... weekend orang lain spend time dengan family, dengan hubby dia, aku selalunya sorang-sorang. A balik pun on Sunday selalunya la dah petang. Then on weekdays kami duk cakap pun pakai YM and the little time we have before going to sleep. Kekadang tak cakap langsung - just a good night kiss and a routine hug in the morning. Haih, komplen macamana pun, aku tetap sayang kat A and I know there's nothing that would come in between A and me. Not anymore (ada la sejarahnya dulu) Nanti-nanti la aku citer. This morning at 7 he sent me a text message dengan perkataan berbunga-bunga. I guess A knows aku macam merajuk but what I want is for him to be with me, right here, like any other happy couples. Am I pathethic or what?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaFjI4TKUQcNy6P3c6YEx9lOX6txNEkKWC68DYqtElPIcc-ses0863cHcEisc9I3gmLpwO9vB1WPrwf1t4q4SKMEATIsyEEjpvrMnJd41xJKfPVkYqs4GTzNn9gwutOTpGDIp_3SHsKX0/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 29px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaFjI4TKUQcNy6P3c6YEx9lOX6txNEkKWC68DYqtElPIcc-ses0863cHcEisc9I3gmLpwO9vB1WPrwf1t4q4SKMEATIsyEEjpvrMnJd41xJKfPVkYqs4GTzNn9gwutOTpGDIp_3SHsKX0/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261066956860427906" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-62934706558488636742008-10-24T19:15:00.006+08:002008-10-24T19:33:38.728+08:00October 24, 2008 - 7:15pmJust got the good news - bukan, bukan aku yang dapat gelaran Datuk tapi Sheila Majid ghehehehe I am all smiles because my favourite singer dianugerahkan Datuk - bukan calang-calang orang yang kenal Sheila ni, most part of Indonesia yang aku pernah pi kenal who Sheila Majid is, orang kat Australia kenal, Japan pun, UK pun ramai, tak caya pi la tanya. I got to know from <a href="http://deathofkalel.blogspot.com/">here</a> and later confirmed by <a href="http://www.hmetro.com.my/Current_News/myMetro/Friday/Setempat/20081024091009/Article/index_html">here</a>. Like I said, she's a world class entertainer so she deserves the title - memang Sheila takkan memalukan negara, she speaks well, dress well and sings well! Congrats Sheila and Acis.Ni aku tengah tunggu A nak pi tengok wayang, ada lah dekat 3 bulan kot kami tak pi to the movies. Lagipun dia dapat gaji hari ni so kira ada orang nak banja aku tengok wayang ngan makan kat Chili's ler hehehe macam dah takde tempat lain kami ni suka sangat pi Chili's tu - ye la, our favourite place and we like the Nachos soooo much! Makan pun kenyan sebab they serve big portion.<div>Whatever it is, I am looking forward to tonight's movie - Sumpahan Pocong Di Sekolah - heheehe jangan gelak the tajuk like the very the funny but the trailer like th very the scarry wooo. See <a href="http://www.sumpahpocongdisekolah.com/">here</a> (Banyak plak link dalam entry kali ni) And here are some photos from the movie taken from the website.</div><div><br /><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq1g3LUsrETK2W2lQYzNJJkI-U3SR8qad9PH0xItZkJDpDYa9wvuW5suTd8Rwi_x3U0gBMGXv5vXzyqxl4E9nyPk_B-R0A26tCThaJeWJ4JbBBQSwrTCkKjrckNAuC7VInkiiiFxnk0Kc/s400/sp_1sight_chalkboard.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 163px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260680273384539362" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE7MAD09FeRqbL-cyGO0ukyaJUHknNKAbCUIjx9ZsFwRNXYR3P_c9sKrXyQ5mnPNfj68-PfhjFvKnl9FuhBJFzw8k_qhSPuiL6A7F-GdU4D9j6DBO8LhdtEuejl1j0wl_Tb7QDdJ2CcnQ/s400/ScreenShot014.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 386px; height: 241px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260680273606933202" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ1pFEolmQ2p9Fyh1ldmJzxr53zyZct85d2MhH3o7XehfgLSsTyeew8FDe554NXOHFNyfqQbTx8i3tjOjhVAjGa2zrEA51enGbK3sDDxrvBBa6Fyp43aTeaSU0JkF78hyphenhyphenfmvCpRvTUmlM/s400/ScreenShot013.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 241px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260680269296972034" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTZ6PLD0vW_zDZanDHim7p2YQtzPa4QDdBVbONCqL5FfoIt0hma3aUej6Se0ghpGsgOQh46PoMM5608AAH8YMja6IFazcCoPl-qGu6gQMEcNXIsIDFcYHvN5mZXLs34-yh37bL5g0MxA0/s400/ScreenShot012.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 392px; height: 243px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260680267384097890" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9eKkTsm_SZMFk2EOnglhNdmWzQJxscDFn49Fb_EDwSxHHYMlMSB6_D3TepWyzqTlzW-XCklia6LOoFrQaNzCbtAjdqp_1eprfvizymGXvNo1sHNd5_PsDmdh18lLRJS9sWXp5_yUgfKM/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260680983339106450" /><div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div></div></div></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-9062248276699039312008-10-24T17:22:00.000+08:002008-10-24T17:22:51.174+08:00October 24, 2008 - 5:13pmYey hari ni aku selesai buat satu presentation penting untuk opes aku - kami cuba nak dapat tender and aku ditugaskan untuk menjalankan presentation kat bakal client ni. Ok la kalau ada rezeki bos aku tu dapat la dia.<div>Kalau sebelum ni aku asik rilek-rilek kat opes malas-malas buat keje la ni dah terpaksa merajinkan diri. Sebabnya mau tak mau kerja aku dah start bertimbun. Tapi dalam tu masih sempat lagi la update blog ni. Ala bukan ada sapa-sapa baca pun - ahhh nanti boring-boring aku baca la sendiri heheheh. </div><div>Petang ni tadi patut ada meeting kat HQ. Masuk hari ni dah 3 hari berturut-turut ada meeting kat HQ - dah la jauh nak berjalan, bila dah sampai PA bos kata meeting cancelled - tak ke rasa nak kasi penampar kat dia? Aku dah la penat berjalan, penat prepare untuk presentation pagi tadi pun tak abis lagi. Penat menapak pi HQ ni sejak hari Rabu lepas pun tak hilang lagi. Semuanya last minute baru nak kasi tau, katanya baru nak call kitorang dah sampai - ye la, dah meeting starts at 3pm kami sampai la 2:45!</div><div>Hmmmm dah nak deepavali ni Senin ni tapi gaji tak dapat lagi (ahahahah macam la aku celebrate deepavali kan) tapi biasa la, bulan lepas raya ni banyak dah pakai duit dan road tax keta, insurance pun abis fw days before raya - perggghhh orang kaya pun tak spend cam aku last month. Heheheh kalau takde gaji susuah la plan aku nak buat Nasi Lemak Deepavali ni. Macamana nak layan tetamu yang datang? Citer sket? (Ahahaha tetamu tu - aku ngan A ler) hehehe. </div><div>BTW, ada sorang mamat ni dah resign kat sini. Dulu aku pernah minat gila kat dia. Aku ngan my best pren la minatnye kat dia. Handsome tu tak la sangat tapi hmmm tapi apa ek, hehehe minat lah kat dia - senyum dia kot dan washboard tummy dia huhuhuhu.... </div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnRBIHkBw5Wo9Pup76ep0gdAIoPffNcDc1S8fifAE3d_3jq_gfUD7Yi3SBe6Bjjoz1-nwS2F4CfTD2Kjooaf42rt9M_SSRkdXhTfGuLPPcGVZuGVnfnGXMSb1_7C9qogczV6wmREzIUgo/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260648322539440866" /><div><br /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-71740489868038164022008-10-24T09:04:00.000+08:002008-10-24T17:13:18.105+08:00October 24, 2008 - 9:03amUwaaaaaaa sedey ni! Ingat tak pasal pau goreng sambal yang aku kononnya pertama kali buat hari tu. Dah penat-penat 2 jam menggentel tak ler sempat nak goreng malam tu so aku masuk la dalam freezer, Takde apa pun hal masuk freezer tu, ok je. So malam tadi aku dengan rajinnya menggoreng la setelah 2 hari asik teringat je kat pau tu ekekek dan terbau-bau sambal yang sungguh sedap yang aku masak itu kah kah kah ye la, sapa la yang sudi puji kalau bukan diri sendiri kan. Tapi kan... tapi kan.... pau ku TAK SEDAPPPPP!!!!!Habis aku buang satu pinggan. Something was wrong somewhere. Terus hilang kesenakkan sambal tumis itu dan kerana takut hari ni aku sakit perut sebab ada presentation penting pagi ni kat opes aku buang je la... Alahai penat je menggentel... kalau aku gentel benda lain malam tu dapat jugak la nikmatnya ahahahah haaaa jangan nak fikir yang bukan-bukan, gentel cottonbud dalam telinga la...Takpe, aku takkan putus asa. Janji sambal dah jadi. Akan ku usahakan lagi membuat pau tu nanti - aku rasa la kan, resipi yang aku amik kat Internet ni la yang tak betul (Muahahaha salahkan resepi plak ek, nasib baik tak kasi credit lebih-lebih kat empunya resipi tu kat sini kang tak pasal-pasal terpublish plak nama dia heheheh)<div><br /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyYMnbsTMrGFYjxAZ6Fjoc6-q7-8XgfsZvGzhSIMg2MUMu_h1Pl1pxQ2cgpljM2uy3dbJtTFKMYVvrENZudFAz2lJS9RgpU_Gr08w5lYL9A43WCDDqsyxmQgCJalU-TT27IHFV2bPcQ2E/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260645835065813282" /><div><br /></div></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-57090229558247434732008-10-23T09:56:00.004+08:002008-10-23T10:23:15.624+08:00October 23, 2008 - 9:56amSheila was indeed great! The greatest as a matter of factly! Dan malam tadi memang mantap as two world class entertainers performed on the korok stage of RTM. Zainal Abidin was Sheila's guest artiste malam tadi and he sang 2 solo song from his ancient but berhantu album 'Hijau' and a duet with sheila on their final number - 'Ikhlas Tapi Jauh'... fulamak memori habis lagu tu. It was the song we sang in the choir masa graduation kat matrics dulu and it was the same song aku ngan my best 'mandi' buddy melalak dalam toilet asrama. Tak ramai peminat Sheila yang datang semalam mungkin sebab hujan lebat dan jalan jam, walhal the free passes habis! Memang tergezut gak la the hall was only half full tapi kalau dah namanya Sheila Majid's die hard fans kan? Memang gempar la. Last night was the 3rd Zoom In with Sheila yang A and I saw. The first two times (once in 2005, the second in 2006) memang full house dan sampai orang terpaksa duduk di tangga. Tak apa lah, I am sure both the entertainer and the audiences had lots of fun semalam and what's best - aku dapat salam ngan Kak Sheila ku itu! Ahahahah tak basuh tangan ler aku nampaknya... kalau boleh frame aku frame la tangan ni muahahahaha! We were stuck in the traffic jam malam tadi dan aku juga terpaksa menapak naik bukit angkasapuri dari parking awam ke dewan tu. We even had dinner in the car - takpe, semua tu demi Sheila, walau panjat KLCC sekali pun tanpa tali aku sanggup! She's just worth sacrificing for.<div>Satu je semalam yang aku tak kenan - pak guard kat Dewan Perdana RTM tu... poyo dan berlagak abis! Siap rampas-rampas camera dan phone orang lagi masa tengah show - pehal plak? The couple of times we were at Zoom In Sheila siap dorang pesan can take photos cuma jangan flash photography - ni amik gambar pun takleh unless u're from the press - hello! Kalau amik video tu takleh faham la sebab RTM blom air the show kan, ni amik gambar. Plak tu amik gambar Sheila Majid (atau Acis yang cun itu) dan bukan nak amik gambar set Zoom In korang yang buruk tu! Tu la kan bila orang-orang ni tetiba diberi kuasa, nyampah! Ptoooi! Masa A and I pi shooting kat NTV7 Night of Soulful Stars dulu dorang ok je amik gambar ke nak apa ke, as long as you don't use flas - takde plak pak guard nak nyebok - tu la bezanya TV prebet dan TV kerajaan. Pantang ada kuasa sikit pak guard ni, mula la naik gila! Marah nih tau!<div>Tapi apa-apahal pun, memang banyak good memories bila sebut pasal Sheila Majid ni; with good friends, an ex, another ex, another ex and another ex plus with A dan macam-macam lah cerita zaman mencucuk bintang yang boleh diceritakan balik apabila nama Sheila Majid ni disebut. Yang sebetulnya Sheila Majid to my friends and I - it means good times, forever. </div><div>Amacam... ada bunyi macam kisah dari die hard fan Sheila tak? Muahahahah!</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB9zzlAzAUarpi9Jh7PTDSFGH4znvvr0TmKogwTY9D9qw1wiQS1q2Hjauw5VCHnvsMCfe-3lsNmCHL7wHHggwAUyiy3Enm68IdVASydeu1UHf8PE8s2O1YnwuAPEycOZu2DIv9mMt4z5o/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 29px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260167427696562690" /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-54211041591151746742008-10-22T16:55:00.005+08:002008-10-23T09:58:13.888+08:00October 22, 2008 - 4:55pmHaaa sikit je lagi masa untuk menonton kak Sheila ku sayang. Muahahaha rindunya kat dia hehehe. Tapi seingat aku la dah 2 kali pi Zoom In kat RTM before ni kene menapak panjat bukit. Adoi la, pengsan ler tak sempat sampai dewan perdana tu nanti. So discriminating la dorang ni pada orang-orang yang malas jalan macam aku ni hehehehe...Kalau<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUbmYSR-Yv6TWknGMe3EmOjZXFMO2fxaiVU2uYsIxCcE0LEvFa-pUdiPctb_X-ZNkhT_4XTaXSJVIKM7oVYR9QKuuwx2auAs8s45bUIbXcgZ5DD8wcsaLGJ5XG6lvNvMLo3J2CzsRc9E0/s400/wall002_1024.jpg" style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259902481183970178" /> pertama kali pegi Sheila ada buat surprise lucky draw. Bawah kerusi A ada t-shirt Sheila... best wooo but too bad Sheila menghilang lepas show so tak leh nak snap-snap gambar dengan dia, dengan laki dia dan Steeve Thornton dapat la bergambar. Jadik la... The second time was worse, semua sekali hilang masuk backstage lepas show, punya la kitorang tunggu, tak kuar-kuar. Tapikan ada beza la the frist time we went to Sheila Zoom In kat RTM was a live recording, the second was a recording for after raya show rasanya - so jenuh la Sheila buat ucapan Selamat Hari Raya bagai muahahaha. The best thing about going to Sheila punya shows ialah tak pernahnya yang kosong - dari concert masa kat Stadium Putra, kat Planet Hollywood, kat PWTC, kat Dewan Phillharmonic Petronas dulu, sumenye penuh. Full House. Aku tak sempat pi kat Plenary Hall punya sebab A and I was away on our annual vacation masa tu. Masa Sheila buat show kat Brunei pun I was there but the day after on work visit - maka tak sempat la tengok (lagipun tak tau nak kene pi Brunei alih-alih je kene pi, so by the time nak beli tiket dah abis dah uwaaaa!)<div>Whatever it is hopefully malam ni I'll enjoy myself (ye la nak kene menapak naik bukit tu from parking Angkasapuri tu!)</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg75B9DkYRuYoFiE7zWV8LonyNYiwZRSwsquAkKIhDJhil1oZYygHAGq1pmUQAswG_KnN1FxnMPOW-eISrYww11YsxFqQsLk8Ecu6EhMQCKPrcr0NRrllzGxd9fYvbi63tmdZ_MMqxex1U/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259901428918685122" /><div><br /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-15132800491535701992008-10-21T23:33:00.001+08:002008-10-22T17:32:31.361+08:00October 21, 2008 - 11:30pm<div style="text-align: left;">Ahahaha percaya atau tidak inilah kali pertama aku masak sambal tumis - an accomplishment! Dan juga kali pertama aku membuat pau goreng sambal dan menjadik! Bangga! Hins! Hins! Hins! Mungkin orang lain rasa mudah untuk buat lauk ni tapi aku ni cerewet. I like my sambal tumis pekat dan manis. Kosong dan akde isi ikan bilis ke, udang ke, kerang ke. Sambal tumis telur je aku suka tapi yang ni aku buat kosong untuk cecah dengan roti dan juga teringin sangat nak mencuba buat pau goreng berinti sambal.Dulu-dulu senang la nak dapat pau goreng sambal yang sedap. </div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXBwQGL2XzAeDSC1bIKl9wMIVtmChvKYTc831jr94RCvHjMvcq5NMHVBW_tomNnN9yymE5NqBu9uFiAOPp9Pv5GQr8mgEFHIlnQP6IrUjeAZuufwPs6npE_yVOnsdn7PalMvHPw01nRYw/s200/15254487.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259908415724835906" /><div style="text-align: left;">Beli jenama Felda kat Jusco tapi sekejap je benda tu ada thendah takde dah. Pergghhh memang sedap bangat yang Felda punya tu. Menepati citarasa aku yang amat cerewet bab-bab makan ni.So malam semalam aku telah berjaya membuat sambal tumis my style - A takkan makan punya sebab dia tak suka pedas - memang la teramat pedasnya sebab aku buang bijik cili kering tu sikit-sikit je (malas la katakan). Kemudian aku masak tanpa banyak air dan tak letak asam jawa pun. Letak gula yang banyak dan garam juga bawang merah, bawang putih ler. Pastu goreng dengan masa yang amat lama (dalam 2 jam) sampai pekat dan warnanya pun ala-ala marroon gitu, tak merah lagi. Lagi satu, minyak nak kene banyak masa goreng ni. Eh, goreng ke tumis ek? Tumis la kot...Ni tadi pulak aku semalaman menggentel pau berinti sambal sementara A pi main futsal. So dari aku duk sorang-sorang kat rumah menggentel entah apa benda, baik aku gentel yis dan tepung gandum tu untuk dibuat pau goreng berinti sambal yang amat ku teringinkan itu. Siap dah tapi tak larat nak menggoreng semalam, so tak tau la sedap ke idak - gerenti sedap punya la! Hehehehe...</div><div><div><br /><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUWisXnEyK5qCOtgGKkqFBnNUs4CvBokXMwwnG9UhmtKgWXLsI0ca_Tyu_mrtZxtME5TWkgMhyphenhyphenh-qIiQY3oKDc883xSsbnqtgQkgqT5ymvh3sfOjeJfv0sPhI2u-LzBZObGG_4RygXtqQ/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259904822354586562" /></div></div></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-50243970694589186552008-10-20T16:33:00.002+08:002008-10-20T16:47:27.835+08:00Ocotber 20, 2008 - 4:30pmSemalam tak pi open house. Satu open house pun tak pi last weekend - aku tetiba rasa malas nak kemana-mana dan bersosial. Selalu gak aku rasa macam tu. I rather stay home and watch TV - anti social sungguh aku ni kan? Tapi nak buat macamana. Kekadang tu malas nak senyum-senyum, sengih-sengih, jawab soalan sama all over again, penat lah.That is actually my weakness, I don't like meeting peple - old and new. Dulu aku suka gak bersosial, jumpa orang-orang dan kenalan baru. Bercopa-cabana, mencucuk bintang, berhu-ha tapi sekarang ni dah lain, especially these few years la. Yup, dah lama dah aku macam ni. Kekadang tu family (bukan immediate family la) sedara sedari la, pun aku malas nak bejumpa. <div>A plak kalau aku tak mau pegi beraya, dia pun tak mau la pi jugak. Bukan dia tak kenal pun orang-orang tu. Saja je agaknya dia nak buat aku rasa bersalah tapi ahahaha silap la </div><div>mana aku ni reti nak rasa-rasa berasalah ni? Cuba cerita sket? I have my reasons for not wanting to meeti people. Bukan. Bukan NOT WANTING but NOT FEELING is more like it. orang kata, takde nafsu, takde keinginan. Entah la apa nak jadi pun aku tak tau sebenarnya.</div><div>All I want actually is to be with A 24 hours agaknya - sebab bila dengan A aku takde plak rasa taknak jumpa dia. I prefer being alone lately ni. Banyak la yang aku rasa kalau aku bersama dengan orang ni - I will feel envious, unhappy and I will start thinking of the things I should not be thinking about. Things yang tak sepatutnya terlintas pun kat kepala ni. Apa dia? Nanti la ak</div><div>u tulis. I am not ready to spill everything out yet walau aku tau no one reads this blog of mine tapi lambat laun I know this website will be detected by people I know - sooner or later, dah takkan boleh keep my anonymity lagi masa tu. </div><div>I do not really know what I want in life anymore. Everything is so mundane. Takde apa excites me much. Okay, I look foreward to certain things in life kekadang tapi that'sit - once achieved, its forgotten and I look for other cheap trills. Ahahaha cheap ke my thrills - tapi lately ni my life has no thrill at all. My thrill is to go on with life, no matter how painful it may turn out to be.</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMJRjp53skyXZbZSf5cMoImYTsGY2FXuDfSUy38BCX54OkG20XTzdL0enWm5tHKzD6zCgB8Ejhzh7fJ1tEbOqGfROBuraSH-JpnCH5t9M4qixF0uXgeJOcrRawwboNTl5_ccMGxFh9FLk/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259154789419544034" />amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-41592223006299328572008-10-18T22:37:00.005+08:002008-10-18T22:47:45.073+08:00October 18, 2008 - 10:30pmJust a happy note to say<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Yey!<br /><br />I'm going to Sheila Majid Zoom In<br /><br />@ RTM Dewan Perdana this 22nd!!!!</span></span><br /></div><br />Hehehe sukanya daku! Sukanya diriku ini. Especially bila A telah berusaha keras untuk mendapatkan free passes. Thanks to anak mak long yang keje kat RTM tu yang tolong amikkan the passes for us - ada 5 lagikkkkk!!!!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" >Sukanya!!!<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0QMeUHSSrZK63H3g392WYfypF10HLeKTpT8mxJFldy5vivCPnH0D8fi6_DFKCE-5M3BXoej1XYCsAAl5P8ZLxXXoBbqd0VWmckdewiW6UaISDo3q47Ndqal9C7BUFjOMcl-WQ-AUOKwY/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0QMeUHSSrZK63H3g392WYfypF10HLeKTpT8mxJFldy5vivCPnH0D8fi6_DFKCE-5M3BXoej1XYCsAAl5P8ZLxXXoBbqd0VWmckdewiW6UaISDo3q47Ndqal9C7BUFjOMcl-WQ-AUOKwY/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258503838853156466" border="0" /></a></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-18890201934499936562008-10-18T20:29:00.001+08:002008-10-18T22:36:02.671+08:00October 18, 2008 - 8:33pmHmmm penat sungguh hari ni mengemas rumah, berplastik bag barang tak guna aku buang. Entah apasal we keep it in the first place tak tau la kan. Tapi puas la hati bila rumah dah rasa bersih. Kalau tak nak jalan pun macam geli muahahahah takdelah seteruk tu kan!<br />I am planning to get us a clothes dryer - biasa la bila dah duduk kat condo ni nak jemur baju pun susah. Bukan takde tempat ada tapi sekangkang kera la. Kami plak ni (aku ler tu sebenarnya) amat la rajinnya membasuh baju hanya seminggu sekali. Heheheh so sebakul la baju nak tunggu dibasuh and furthermore nak tungu yang dibasuh tu kering will take at least a couple of days. So kalau ada dryer (carik alasan la ni nak membeli kan) basuh je boleh terus kering (pastu padan la muka bayar bil letrik tinggi, then membebel kat A sebab suka membazir letrik).<br />Tengok la kalau rajin next week la pi survey. Next week pun macam je busy nampaknya. Ada meeting ngan biggest boss kat opes tu pasal budget - huhuhu mati la kene buat macam-macam kerja nanti. Esok plak ada open house. Tadi punya jemputan pun tak pi (ahahah mana boleh nanti gemuk (read: makin gemuk) la diriku ini!)<br />Mak ngan Ayah A datang tadi dengan 2 o his nieces. Dorang nak pi beraya rumah mak long tapi aku takmo la pi, tak larat la nak menapak naik tangga apartment tingkat 5 - ahahah boleh macam tu? Nasib baik tak kene marah ngan A huhuhuh...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOActB24_vbHFC1MbXt9CDae9w-0MM-u7rRlJGKk30EWODm9sJsHS7A2bF_ExR-ocRN6kRke5O3OChmGO2VfIYM_G8EDlAvHJyKwJJYa7AqwXq7KEaYU5gbHXmlf7wp_EY-SVtCG-zMKo/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOActB24_vbHFC1MbXt9CDae9w-0MM-u7rRlJGKk30EWODm9sJsHS7A2bF_ExR-ocRN6kRke5O3OChmGO2VfIYM_G8EDlAvHJyKwJJYa7AqwXq7KEaYU5gbHXmlf7wp_EY-SVtCG-zMKo/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258502461336431730" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-27694705946926789022008-10-17T21:20:00.003+08:002008-10-18T22:37:43.223+08:00Ocotber 17, 2008 - 9:00pmToday was a rather hectiv day - ada jamuan raya kat opes. Kesian la bebudak kat opes ni dah macam anak tiri asing-masing, termasuk la aku ni jugak. We had a variety of food (biasa la raya) dan aku pun termakan banyak la gamaknya - TER tau... diulang sekali lagi, TER.<br />We had Soto Ayam from Makcik Berhias kat Food Court bawah tu, Satay Haji Samuri, Lemang from Keramat, Rendang Jusco, watermelon, kueh saki baki bebudak bawak as well as kitorang melahap (huhuh macam lembu je - memang lahap pun) hamper yang ada client beri masa puasa hari tu. Memang kekenyangan abis la memasing. The jamuan started at 4pm and ended half after 6. Kira ponteng la kejap a couple of hours. Next week plak ada jamuan kat HQ.<br />Gitu lah kalau dah musim raya ni, nasib baik raya tu sebulan if a year? Pengsan la asik makan je. Esok plak ada open house an ex office mate kat Segambut tapi tak tau plak nak pi ke idak since A's parents nak pinjam keta plak nak pi beraya jugak.<br />Tadi ni my sister hantar makanan dia masak, pun untuk jamuan raya kat opes dia - boleh la tahan (opps makan lagik) kira pass la sebab aku ni cerewet. nak suruh masak sendiri memang tak reti di tambah dengan penyakit M - MALAS hehehe tau makan je la. So kalau lain kali teringin nak makan apa-apa boleh la suruh dia masak kan? Ada la nasik minyak, rendang daging, ayam masak lado dan paceri nenas. Huhuhu rindunya masakan air tangan makcik aku (my aunty la yang selama aku duk kat umah parents aku masak untuk kami. Too bad my mom tak masa unless masakan omputih dia suka la.<br />Esok A and I plan to kemas rumah - spring clean. Dah macam tong sampah DBKL rasanya rumah ni pun!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDzbxrwW23groDGjfUNj_jkJr-MCKMDzQNiqsqDlEftNkRhTWms1ioWZjgxtPelXWvSPWOEvEsWpkepm17O9gmQLkWV90tpTucMX_1iB62qW0shsax460m7x_KBT7uiqZfx_eyEw9cPA/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDzbxrwW23groDGjfUNj_jkJr-MCKMDzQNiqsqDlEftNkRhTWms1ioWZjgxtPelXWvSPWOEvEsWpkepm17O9gmQLkWV90tpTucMX_1iB62qW0shsax460m7x_KBT7uiqZfx_eyEw9cPA/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258500799506740482" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-85597823586247491942008-10-16T10:31:00.003+08:002008-10-16T10:42:38.016+08:00October 16, 2008 - 10:31amI have been having trouble sleeping these past few days. Kalau tak terkebil-kebil nak tido I would fall asleep and wake up in the wee hours of the morning then having a hard time falling asleep again. Malam tadi macam tu la, tertido at 11:00pm then kul 12:15 terjaga dan terkebil-kebil sampailah 3 pagi baru rasa ngantuk balik. Tu pun lepas dah baring masuk terbeliak bijik mata ni entah pukul berapa agaknya I really fell asleep. Kalau dah sussah tido tu biasalah kan, susah juga mau bangunnya. So these past few days memang terlajak perahu la orang kata, alaram bunyik kul 6:30, snooze, snooze, snooze lagik sampai la kul 7:15 baru bangun. Tu pun duduk dulu kat tepi katil like I always do when I couldn't sleep (ni couldn't get up plak) hehehe...<div>I think my problem is that I am so used to training myself to think in the early hours of the morning when everybody else is sleeping - mana tak, masa zaman-zaman belajar dulu kat asrama, kat uni orang sibuk duk berdengkur aku dengan satu kole kopi belajar pepagi buta</div><div> - sampailah satu hari aku terserempak dengan hantu yang aku panggil 'Pengantin Popular' masa tu huhuhu takuutttt terus terhenti kejap habit tu. But even while working, I have been doing freelancing jobs masa sume orang tengah in slumber lang - aku slumber tak tido buat kerja (haaa padan muka tamak sangat carik duit kononnya). I just feel that I absorb things, I learn, I am most calm in the wee hours of the morning.</div><div>So sebab kebiasaan ini lah otak aku akan mula bekerja masa waktu aku inginnnnnn sangat untuk tido. Boleh? Terover efficient la pulak - masa kat opes I cannot do work sebab dah shut down time gamaknya. So memang la selalu whenever I have something bothering me, ada benda yang nak difikir mula la otak aku macam berputar thinking while sleeping - kekadang tu I get answers to certain questions masa tido because masa tu lah my mind is by thinking. Sometimes kalau aku dah teringat a word tu, I would repeat it over and over again dalam kepala ni dan sampai bangun pagi pun still teringat the word - sometimes I am even able to form a sentence dalam tido and zap! bangun pagi with enriched vocabulary muahahaha konon...</div><div><br /></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3EULmcCIZNY6kgoX9NhEDJrfa0brCUDY9RUzUbJAsAAIzkDtUgBN9_U5BJoYfcIrDU3GPB9FwIHn07fZ5zURV_UmDpdUy6ez0Juth3afyOr6780Z4Jj9XhzxOlTzdS1r0iXr-ZYzYub8/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5257576500874866370" /></div>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-39038130925675374192008-10-14T21:30:00.006+08:002008-10-14T21:52:49.442+08:00October 14, 2008 - 9:33pmI am alone again tonight. A pi main futsal pulak. Cursing Astro for showing the same cerita over and over agin - membazir duit je bayar memahal - there aren't any good movies to watch. Their raya stuff pun duk ulang sampai berbelas kali, tu pun mau bangga showing stuff for raya sampai 14 hari konon - bak kata Patric teoh - Niamah! Poodah! (apa maksud niamah tu ek? I hope tak mencarut lah hehehe).<br />I know that A is the happiest man on earth hari ni. Semalam malam aku ikut dia pi beli PDA phone impian dia tu... dah sebulan kot duk asik cakap pasal phone tu. At the office pun balik-balik forward me the write ups pasal the phone - takpe la, as long as dia happy I will be happy too - ada ler aku kene berkorban sket for him to get the PDA phone but I am not going to say what. As long as my other half is happy and smiling all the way from ear to ear. Considering what he has done for me all these while, this sacrifice I made kira kecik amat la.<br />Today indeed is an important day for us - I though he has forgotten about it, maklumlah dah dapat toy baru, toy lama dilupakan muahahaha but he remembered when I specifically asked him "Do you know what day this is?" "Yes, it's our declaration day" Alahai... lemah lutut aku bila dia ingat this date when we declared. Nanti ada masa (walaupun memang banyak masa) and mood akan aku ceritakan how we came to declare. Complicated and involved real hard work.<br />We didn't do anything special for our 'Declaration Day' - actually baru tahun ni it's given a name - selalunya we call it 'Our Actual Anniversary' - kami usually celebrate the day we met mata bertentang mata. Bak bahasa buku, bibit-bibit percintaan bermula gitu, tarikh kawen la senang - I told you it's complicated, nantila I'll explain when the right time comes. Apapun kisahnya, I love you very much A, you mean the world to me!<br />Malam ni tapau makan from On The Run Esso - the other day we bought their nasi ayam macam sedap gila but today, cheh hampeh haram tak sedap langsung ayam panggang percik tu - apa yang terpercik tu I am beginning to wonder. Nyesal la jugak but actually I wanted Ayamas punya ayam percik since yesterday tapi Cik Abang dah ajak pi beli phone (keluar dalam hujan lebat tu ko, sanggup!) maka tak jadik la makan ayam panggang berjumlah seeokr itu. Hehehe sekor lagi!<br />Anyways, I am feeling a little better today - takde apa yang menyakitkan hati and whatever has happened on Sunday hari tu with dad, let it be and just hope time will heal. He said he forgave me, just hope he wont bother me again with that 'thing' I was telling you guys about.<br />Hmmm dalam aku blog hopping one of my favourite blogs '<a href="http://catzscafe.blogspot.com/">Catz's Cafe</a>' she was showing pictures of her recent raya holiday in NZ (New Zealand ok bukan NZ Curry House ye) and I think I have found a holiday destination for the two of us next October musim bunga.... I want to see the beautiful flowers! Fuh...fuh... mintak-mintaklah ada cukup duit to do just that, Aminnnn...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3M0lOupFwaVRfA1mmXgoB9Z_9-54SaJ0EcclpdpG1DVaAkGqAib_LkZLa42KcbP6bYaZlxr7fYxn8GkXcVQWQGtY8jEY_0dXzBK7Sogfvvt7NaZXPXYHqllgc6NZcNNdvvHkNKLaxeOA/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3M0lOupFwaVRfA1mmXgoB9Z_9-54SaJ0EcclpdpG1DVaAkGqAib_LkZLa42KcbP6bYaZlxr7fYxn8GkXcVQWQGtY8jEY_0dXzBK7Sogfvvt7NaZXPXYHqllgc6NZcNNdvvHkNKLaxeOA/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5257005238714624674" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-80114198117065609772008-10-14T10:27:00.003+08:002008-10-14T10:52:04.558+08:00October 14, 2008 - 10:27amSemalam, bukan aku tidak ada apa untuk dibicara - banyak, terlalu banyak sehinggakan tidurku tak lena, terkebil-kebil mata memandang siling di saat A sedang nyenyak tidur. Banyak yang mengganggu fikiran aku terutamanya Ahad malam. I was so upset and pissed of that I couldn't make myself go to work or could I even force myself out of bed the whole of yesterday. The whole night as a matter of factly dalam kepala ni berlegar-legar bermacam-macam perkataan like I was trying hard to compose a winning essay to the one and only yang selalu makes me upset my whole life - my dear daddy.Like I've mentioned in my previous post about 'something' that my dad is forcing me to do, of all days he chose to come to my house on Sunday evening. I was alone as A was at the weekend conference he was attending. Dah la datang so sudden, rumah tengah berkecah, tak pasal-pasal my brother kene marah sebab tak warn me earlier to at least get the house cleaned before they arrive - ni dah depan pintu baru nak beritahu. And as I expected, nampak je muka aku, my dad started speaking about the 'thing'. I will always try my best to become the obedient child - aku tak mau jadik derhaka, tak mau kurang ajar but I do have my limits. When pushed, sapa-sapa pun lah akan melenting - so I tried telling him nicely if he can stop talking about the 'thing' for once - I am tired of it and I am not just doing nothing to solve my problems. I even said 'please' jangan la nampak muka saya saja you have to mention it. I asked him to give me time and I told him the more you push me, the more I will delay things. Terus dia bangun and asked my brother to take him home. I was left with my mouth gaping wide wondering what I've done - I know somehow dia kecik ati but things are done - terlajak kereta boleh undur, terlajak kata?I immediately sent a text message to his phone apologizing, telling him bukan niat aku nak menderhaka atau nak mengetepikan dia dalam apa jua hal yang aku buat but I have my reasons for doing things the way I am doing them. I am not comfortable him trying to be the nice dad sedangkan he was the one who made our lives miserable - he was the one who made my mom cried most of the time - tak selesalah suddenly you're trying to be nice to us - sebab rasa bersalah my mom got sick and died because he made her so miserable ke?Tapi aku tetap sorang anak. Aku rasa bersalah yang amat. he replied my text message asking me to forget the thing that happened petang tu but he was still talking about me getting that 'thing' done - dia tak faham dan tak akan faham sampai bila-bila. I have told him my wishes, if they were to be my last and I just hope they will get respected. So semalam I decided to stay home (pi opes pun bukan buat kerja, like now, me updating this blog) sleep it offand go on with my life...<div>Whatever it is I have never, ever stopped loving you dad.</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSFhaZax3pHgpfRIvUnUSVFBq64ItYJJ47Phz0XJzLwUKIVICNw2Get_yIiNqadlEWwsCcNUL3hMoJuHCdZkgz9uOcUVz1claASwOst4t9HJTlI7JqK9U4QLMr9mOdtKiDVkHf0DC-2ho/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256836692633650242" />amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-23487715283360096542008-10-12T10:18:00.005+08:002008-10-12T10:57:19.514+08:00October 12, 2008 - 10:22amWill be spending the day (and night) alone again today. A is again away on his conference. Something happened last night - aku merajuk ngan A. Malam kan aku ada meeting ngan the guy who offered me the job tu, so A followed la (he was having the car and fetched me from home from his conference and then took me to the place). Aku suruh A makan dulu so he bought McD and I only asked for coffee with the intention of eating lepas meeting tu. A by all means could have joined us as he is working in the same industry and it could be an opening for him too - bukannye untuk kerja full time tapi freelance but as usual he would prefer to shy away and I thought he was watching football shown at the mamak restaurant but he was waiting in the car. The meeting pulak took longer than expected - about 3 hours or so. Bukan apa, orang ni sesat, orang tu sesat (aku ingat dorang ni dah biasa dengan tempat tu as they were the one who suggested the place pun).<br />Tapi kan 3 jam aku jumpa bebudak tu pun tak la selama mana - tak la selama yang selalu aku kene tunggu A jumpa kawan-kawan dia yang selalunya kalau tak amik 5 hours per meeting tak sah - only that I didn't wait in the car la, tapi aku tunggu kat rumah - sama je kan? Like today, yesterday, the night before and the the night before that sampai kul 3 pagi aku tunggu - and I never tarik muka masam. Tapi ni la sekali aku pi jumpa a group of people yang I don't consider my friends pun, just people who are giving me an opportunity to better my life, my financial standing - untuk kebaikan kami berdua jugak - balik ke kereta muka A dah macam biasa masam semasamnya. Dengan tak bersuara sampai la kat rumah. Aku pun sampai tak makan, dah la sehari suntuk aku tak makan tunggu dia balik. Hmmm tak apa la, nak buat macamana dah perangai dia macam tu.<br />Tapi aku rasa kecik ati la, A wanted to go back to his mom's place and I never stopped him - just so happened that I had this prolonged meeting, takkan tak boleh give and take kot? Masa turunkan aku kat rumah pun, salam, A tak tengok pun muka aku, tak pun kuit-kuitkan jari dia kat tapak tangan aku macam biasa - marah la tu - and when I said "I love you" dia balas "hmmm". Hmmm je ke?! Aku lagi la merajuk. And he just zommed off lepas tu..<br />Later dia sms (aku diam je, protes tak sms soh dia drive carefully macam selalu) telling me dah sampai tapi sms dia bunyik "I dah sampai dah. Goodnite." Lagi la aku malas nak layan, saying goodnite rightaway is as though putting a full stop to that day's conversation (macam la we've had any conversation pun kan these past few days) I kept quiet, tak balas pun sms tu, switched off the TV and went to sleep.<br />Tiba-tiba a coupel of hours later, someone entered the room - A balik - agaknya dia serba salah ke, dia risau ke aku tak balas sms ke or maybe it finally made sense to him ke aku tak tau. Nak manja-manja ngan aku slept beside me tapi aku buat tak tau lagi... haaaa padan muka.<br />So pagi ni aku kejut la jugak dia untuk pi conference tu, (kalau aku tak kerjut kang jadik citer lain plak and aku tanak panjang-panjangkan citer as A ni kalau dah merajuk mengalahkan budak kecik nak pujuk - so biarla aku je yang merajuk bukan dia) Aku tak bangun pun dari katil, A kissed and hugged me and left. Hmmmm so, should I still merajuk masa dia balik malam kang? Yang pastinya bila dia dah dengan kawan-kawan dia kat conference tu dia lupakan aku. Aku makan ke tidak ke bukan dia kisah dan tanya pun macam semalam - sehari suntuk takde pun sms atau call tanay aku buat apa ke, dah makan ke, am I ok ke? Tengok la kalau aku rajin kang aku sambung la merajuk tu heheheh...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuCeJaasO-DUflFDuiER2tVYy3BPHqdVrUff1tSoJ1T5O6hgxOGEEk8E5I-2JQdjhkY2Hns3tofbvmKKObS6yvH8jiPgysXPX-SOM-YCHci6xavh4-6iCMT5ju6B9V7b98I6uyLjSWU5c/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuCeJaasO-DUflFDuiER2tVYy3BPHqdVrUff1tSoJ1T5O6hgxOGEEk8E5I-2JQdjhkY2Hns3tofbvmKKObS6yvH8jiPgysXPX-SOM-YCHci6xavh4-6iCMT5ju6B9V7b98I6uyLjSWU5c/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256092453779774242" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2987772851975875785.post-36368843141897151792008-10-11T10:24:00.004+08:002008-10-11T10:34:02.704+08:00October 11, 2008 - 10:28amHmmm I am alone again this morning and as a matter of fact will be alone the whole day of today and tomorrow. A ada conference somewhere and will be gone most of the day and then he will be going back to his mother's house malam ni. Tido la aku sorang-sorang. So, untuk mengisi masa lapang ni, aku kemas-kemas rumah, basuh-basuh baju yang bertimbun dan jugak mengangkang tengok tv, apa lagi la nak buat kan. Later tonight aku ada a meeting I have to attend - remember I mentioned pasal a work opportunity semalam and they've already called me for a prelim meeting to discuss apa yang patut la. Aku ni tengok je dulu macamana keadaan dan dengan siapa aku akan bekerja, takde la dah terus confirm that I would do work for them or with them, Heran gak since I seem to be having too good a reputation sampaikan many people in the industry I am working in knows me for my work - padahal bukan aku kenal dorang pun. Kene berhati-hati nih, meaning people have been talking about my work hehehehe...<br />Ish macam bosan la plak rasa ni... apa lagi yang aku nak buat ek?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVKD-H1IrrUKYTbG5NYQzSWrWmUgbnj4GhGolNYUBqJU6Dy9Xw5JZqRHVE_j9U-5uS9l4n36tg7F1MW25UapkjPxz26xPjf-49931atKhWYmVDV7O_E22d28oSmxpY8SqWIiQ7MoCZT6M/s1600-h/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVKD-H1IrrUKYTbG5NYQzSWrWmUgbnj4GhGolNYUBqJU6Dy9Xw5JZqRHVE_j9U-5uS9l4n36tg7F1MW25UapkjPxz26xPjf-49931atKhWYmVDV7O_E22d28oSmxpY8SqWIiQ7MoCZT6M/s200/Heart2Heart-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255718334502231666" border="0" /></a>amilovedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247753173064671465noreply@blogger.com0