Aku tengah bosan tahap cipan gunung ni. Tadi dah lunch ketupat yang A masak dengan rendang yang dia beli... boleh tahan la sedapnye hehehe. Mata ni macam ngantuk la teramat I just wish I could sleep it off, ada kang yang jadik cam semalam tersengguk depan PC ni.

Since morning tadi ni sebenarnya I have recevied 2 calls from an unrecognised number - dah ada voicemail taknak tinggal pesan, number tak kenal aku tak la jawab. Moreover it's a 014 number - mana la aku ada kengkawan guna 014 nih. Rupa-rupanya it's one of my nephews from Johor... pelik nih tak pernah-pernah dia contact aku (rupa-rupanya dia pandai la tinggalkan message kat voicemail). I suspected my dad yang kasi my number to this guy. Ni la satu yang bothering me sejak a week ago. My dad has been pastering me to do something which aku memang tak mau buat, at least for now. And he's been telling people to talk to me into doing it - memang for my own good tapi I am just not ready, yet, sebab banyak consequencesnye. There are many things yang I have to consider before doing this thing I am suppose to do. It may be a matter of life and death tapi to me it will only be my last resort. Since a couple of days ago aku betul-betul rasa memang tak perlu untuk aku buat benda tu dulu but I am giving it a serious thought to go ahead with it pun, bukan tak mo buat langsung. Cuma my dad ni just refuse to understand and keeps pestering me and forcing me.
So my nephew ni tak lain tak bukan call tetiba alih-alih mat salih ni I assume ada la kene mengena dengan benda tu sebab dia ni ada pengalaman buat benda tu dulu. Kalau tak masakan takde anginm takde ribut, dah bertahun tak 'catch up' with me (that was his mesage dalam my voicemail tadi) said helo pun takde, tanya khabar pun tak pernah, tetiba je hari nak 'catch up' and called me twice? Memang tak lain tak bukan keje my dad la ni.
Macam ni la lagi aku tak suka. Hal peribadi aku pi cerita kat sume orang yang takde kene mengena dengan masalah aku - lagi la amik tahu hal aku pun tak. Sedangkan A pun paham bila I told him that I need time to think it over and give myself sometime to consider some things dulu. Please la respect whatever decision I made - nak go on or otherwise with the plan. Afterall it's me and aku takkan kacau sapa-sapa pun if anything happens.
I know my dad loves me very much sebab tu dia buat cara cenggini. Tiap-tiap hari call me 2 -3 kali to remind me of the 'thing' and to talk me into doing the thing he wanted me to do tapi tolongla... let me do it my way at my own time, bukan dengan paksaan. The more I am forced, the more I will dilly dally and try to forget it. Sampaikan I did something yang memang derhaka - I blocked my dad's number from my phone - but I have no other choice. If he wants to talk to me he will have to be patient and let me do it my way. Memang hubungan aku dengan bapa aku tak berapa baik sejak dulu - don't get me wrong, I am not the kind yang melawan, memberontak atau memaki hamun. I am a very soft spoken person sampaikan orang selalu pijak kepala tapi my history with him goes a long way - something to do with what he did to my mother and my family in general. I am just unconfortable with him - just imagine my own father tapi nak buat macamana? He was the one who did all these, distancing himself from us and choosing the wrong things and the wrong people in his life - it is just to late to be nice to us - at least to me.
Pa, please give me time. Kalau Tuhan dah tentukan masa memang dah tak ada then let be it. Bukan saya tak buat apa-apa. I am doing something and it's showing some good at least. I have my reasons for resisting and I assure my reasons are valid. I have thought them over and over again. Please respect my decision.