Semalam tak pi open house. Satu open house pun tak pi last weekend - aku tetiba rasa malas nak kemana-mana dan bersosial. Selalu gak aku rasa macam tu. I rather stay home and watch TV - anti social sungguh aku ni kan? Tapi nak buat macamana. Kekadang tu malas nak senyum-senyum, sengih-sengih, jawab soalan sama all over again, penat lah.That is actually my weakness, I don't like meeting peple - old and new. Dulu aku suka gak bersosial, jumpa orang-orang dan kenalan baru. Bercopa-cabana, mencucuk bintang, berhu-ha tapi sekarang ni dah lain, especially these few years la. Yup, dah lama dah aku macam ni. Kekadang tu family (bukan immediate family la) sedara sedari la, pun aku malas nak bejumpa. 

A plak kalau aku tak mau pegi beraya, dia pun tak mau la pi jugak. Bukan dia tak kenal pun orang-orang tu. Saja je agaknya dia nak buat aku rasa bersalah tapi ahahaha silap la 
mana aku ni reti nak rasa-rasa berasalah ni? Cuba cerita sket? I have my reasons for not wanting to meeti people. Bukan. Bukan NOT WANTING but NOT FEELING is more like it. orang kata, takde nafsu, takde keinginan. Entah la apa nak jadi pun aku tak tau sebenarnya.
All I want actually is to be with A 24 hours agaknya - sebab bila dengan A aku takde plak rasa taknak jumpa dia. I prefer being alone lately ni. Banyak la yang aku rasa kalau aku bersama dengan orang ni - I will feel envious, unhappy and I will start thinking of the things I should not be thinking about. Things yang tak sepatutnya terlintas pun kat kepala ni. Apa dia? Nanti la ak
u tulis. I am not ready to spill everything out yet walau aku tau no one reads this blog of mine tapi lambat laun I know this website will be detected by people I know - sooner or later, dah takkan boleh keep my anonymity lagi masa tu. 
I do not really know what I want in life anymore. Everything is so mundane. Takde apa excites me much. Okay, I look foreward to certain things in life kekadang tapi that'sit - once achieved, its forgotten and I look for other cheap trills. Ahahaha cheap ke my thrills - tapi lately ni my life has no thrill at all. My thrill is to go on with life, no matter how painful it may turn out to be.